


Bilita Mpash

by bearmitage



Series: (Gramander) To have and to hold, from this day forward. For better. For worse. [1]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: And Newt is there for him, Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Insomnia, M/M, Marriage, Oaths & Vows, Original Percival Graves Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 20:06:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9623438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearmitage/pseuds/bearmitage
Summary: Percival always jolts awake in the middle of the night, hearing someone screaming and crying relentlessly in his dream. Even though it’s never his fault, he needs a redemption.





	

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by FBWeekly prompt: Wordstuck on twitter https://twitter.com/_FBweekly/status/828199313314418689

 

 

 

 

“ _I trusted you, I thought that you were different. That you were_ _my friend._ ”

 

“ _I trusted you….._ ”

 

“ **_I trusted you, Mr. Graves!!!_ ** ”

 

“!!” The man named Percival Graves jolts awake, sweating and panting heavily. He looks around himself, feeling bad knowing that he just made the man sleeping next to him awake as well.

 

“I’m sorry, Artemis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you---” He murmurs when Newt pushes himself from the bed, the redhead man looks at him then shakes his head slowly, “Shhh--- no need to be sorry, that’s fine. Percival, that’s fine.”

 

Percival nods before Newt pulling him to himself without saying anything. The younger man caresses his face then interlaces their fingers together, trying to calm the heartbeat of Percival down and letting the silence surround them.

 

It’s the long silent moment before Newt saying it in the darkness, “ _It was not your fault._ ” Percival nods again slowly, the solemnity in Newt’s voice calms him down. “ _Not at all._ ”

 

The kiss is planted on his backhand softly before the man next to him falling asleep eventually, the breathing sound reassuring him that he’s home, on his bed, with the one he wants to be with. Percival, nonetheless, keeps staring at the ceiling of their bedroom and doesn’t sleep even one blink.

  
  


 

 

It has been several months after the chaos in New York, and no one blames him at all for what happened. The peace returns to MACUSA once again, Queenie still has a headache and Tina does her job perfectly. He returns to his work and nobody mentions about anything.

 

He folds the papers on his table into his drawer before adjusting everything to be in the proper place. Percival looks around his office, his life that once was taken away from him is coming back together. He’s back.

 

Walking pass the big mirror in the hallway in order to head home, Percival feels guilty and _disgusted_ every time when he sees himself in the mirror. If only he was strong enough, careful enough, was able to fight Grindelwald,

 

_Credence Barebone wouldn’t die._

 

_He killed him, he killed the young innocent boy who had the whole world in front of him because of his shameful weakness. If only…._

 

“Mr. Graves?” His own name wakes him up, it’s Tina. She is standing behind him since whenever and he didn’t even notice, it emphasizes how careless he is. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes, certainly.” He assures her, half smiling. Tina seems unconvinced and he can’t blame her for that. “Thank you.”

 

“You seem to zone out quite often lately, are you sure that everything is fine?” She looks worried and sincere, it’s not the look of someone nosy at all.

 

His voice now is stern and professional just like the old Percival everyone knows. Percival bids Tina a farewell before leaving MACUSA swiftly.“Nothing to be worried about, Ms. Goldstein. See you around.”

  
  
  


 

 

“You can’t do this, Percival.”

 

Newt voice is rising in their living room. Percival is surprised by this since Newt never raises his voice or even shouts at him, he, however, can’t look at the younger man who is now staring at him. It’s always Newt who rarely meets his or anyone’s eyes, now it’s opposite “You can’t ask me to do this.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I don’t need your apology! Stop saying sorry or I won’t talk to you again.” Percival manages to look at Newt, he’s shocked by the fact that Newt is yelling. “I won’t do what you ask me. No way.” The redhead man is trembling and stuttering. Pickett who is always on his shoulder jumps into the pocket of his shirt quickly, freaked out by Newt’s voice.

 

He wants just one thing.

 

_He wants Newt to break up with him._

 

He doesn’t have a gut enough to do that, he isn’t strong enough to stay away from the younger man, he won’t be able to leave Newt. “Please.”

 

It’s him who is staring at the other man. Newt is looking at the floor, he can’t see his expression except for the fist on their mahogany table. His shoulders bend forward and his bone appearing because of the fist looks white against his freckled skin. “Why?”

 

“Because I can’t trust myself at three o’clock shadow, I would rather face this fantasy and deal with this alone. _I see the pain in your eyes every time I look at you, and you deserve none of these things._ ”

 

“ **I chose you** ,” Newt says it firmly and confidently. Not many times he sees the man in front of him being confident. “ _And if this is a consequence of my decision, I am willing to face it._ ”

 

Newt looks at him. His heart breaks when he sees the tiny pond in that gorgeous eyes. “I’m ready to face everything, it’s no longer yours, Percival. It’s ours. It’s my choice and I never regret choosing you.”

 

Percival sits on the couch, glaring at the ring on his finger. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Please…” The redhead man kneels in front of Percival, holding his hands and placing a forehead on his. “We have made a promise, Percival. And I will not take it back.”

 

He looks at the ring on Newt’s finger that is just like his.

 

“ _To have and to hold, from this day forward._ ”

 

The British accent that captured his heart since the start is beautifully being said from the pinkish lips. The subtle kiss is being planted on his cheek. “ _For better…._ ”

 

“ **For worse….** ”

 

He hears his own voice finishing the sentence. Newt is right, they have made a promise.

  
  
  


 

 

But it doesn’t mean that the dream will stop haunting him.

 

Percival sees everything. He sees himself hurting Newt and almost killing him with his own hands. The vision of Newt threw across the railway shatters him into pieces. He sees himself fooling Credence, killing the poor boy slowly by gaining his trust and telling him that he would protect him. _Lying to him_.

 

He sees himself turning that pure soul into the darkest hurricane.

 

“ _Why should I….Why should I apologize for the monster I’ve become when no one has ever apologized for making me this way?!”_

 

**_“I trusted you, Mr. Graves!!!”_ **

 

“Credence No!!!”

 

This time both Percival and Newt jolt awake, his shout also wakes Pickett and Niffler that were sleeping peacefully up and both of them make a panic sound.

 

“Calm down! That’s okay, that’s okay.” Newt says slowly and solemnly, he’s not sure if the other man is telling him or those creatures. Percival is too busy shaking and sweating. His palms are wet, the sweats run down from his temple, and his blood runs cold.

 

He can’t stop shaking. “Oh, Merlin! Oh my…..”

 

Newt looks at the love of his life trembling and shaking in front of him, his hand touching the broad shoulder in order to soothe him. “ _Percival…..._ ”

 

“Credence…..his scream, Newt. I killed him. **I killed him!** ” Percival mumbles and is not able to stop himself from shaking. It’s so shameful that he can’t control himself like he used to be. The horror of what he just saw burns like an aggressive flame inside of him. “ _I almost killed you._ ”

 

Newt never expected to see Percival cry in front of him. The only time he saw Percival cried is when he said _yes_ to Percival’s proposal. The older man blinks and covers his face with both hands when Newt pulls him close. Newt is speechless, feeling his love’s tears and sweats on his skin, licking his lips and having no idea what to do.

 

“I was inside of him…..I saw everything and I couldn’t even control myself. I---I killed him, I hurt you. I----”

 

“That’s not you.” Newt interrupts before Percival can continue, he can’t stand it as well. He can’t stand seeing Percival torturing himself like this anymore. “He’s not you. He’s not Percival I know. That’s not you. The man I know is strong, courageous, brave and kind. He won’t hide in the dark or use someone like that. He has a heart, and he won’t hurt me. Percival, that’s not you.”

 

His hand strokes the older man’s hair, his kisses are placed on his trembling lips and this time, Newt stays awake till morning. He watches Percival falling asleep just like the way he falls in love with him.

 

Slowly and then all at once.

  
  
  


 

 

_Percival sees Credence again in his sleep._

 

Unlike other dreams, Credence isn’t screaming or crying. The boy in front of him just stands out there, in the alley that he used to see Grindelwald. But this time it’s not Grindelwald, it’s him.

 

“Credence….I…...”

 

He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He can’t bring himself to say what he has always wanted to say. He only can say the simple word. “I’m sorry.”

 

Credence just looks at him and shakes his head. “No.”

 

Percival’s heart drops when he hears that.

 

“ _I forgive you, and I forget everything. Now it’s your turn, there is only one favor that I want from you. Please forget everything. My scream, my scar, my word or what Grindelwald did to Mr. Scamander. Everything._ ”

 

The boy gives him the brightest smile he’s sure that nobody has seen it.

  
  
  
  


 

 

He no longer jolts awake. It’s six o’clock in the morning and Newt is looking at him. “You’re smiling, no more nightmare, isn’t it?”

 

“No.” He kisses Newt on his forehead, feeling like all missing pieces just come back to him. “The fact is, Mr. Graves,” He says to _another Mr. Graves_ who owns his favorite smile. “ _There is nothing to forgive._ ”

  


“ _I’m here just to bid you a very fond farewell._ **_The fact is_ ** _, Mr. Graves,_ **_there is nothing to forgive._ ** ”

 

 

Percival recognizes one word that he saw a long time ago.

 

_Bilita mpash_

 

_The opposite of nightmare, not merely a “good” dream but a “legendary, blissful state where all is forgiven and forgotten.”_

 

 

Thank you Credence, _thank you so much for the redemption you've given to me._

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, thanks so much for reading! This is my first fiction (besides the translated ones) from this pairing and I absolutely am in love with them! I hope you guys enjoy it, see you next time, much love <3


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